Death to you, Death to us

All this violent music....shame, shame.... ;)

Dead Cow....MOOOO..

Dead Cow...You turned out to be double dead after the unfortunate incident in the kiln. I am sorry that all was left was your head...and I am also sorry i let Jesse mock you and make you a body with his fingers. XP

I was so excited when you were going to be fired and I could paint you. I told everyone about you, and how you were going to be one of the best things I have created. But...now you sit on my night stand, and I leave you there as a reminder of "What Could Have Been."

The Wall

Next to my messy closet was a fresh space of wall just calling my name. I painted for 3 hours, wanting to put something that came to my mind on this space. Mushrooms, because I was listening to the theme for Alice in Wonderland, and an eye of course-because of my odd fascination with them. And last but not least my little Oogy monster with a balloon and lollipop.

The eye has supposed gold flecks because one of my really good friends Carey has gold specks in her eyes. I love those little spots, just as much as I love her.

Right here, right now.

This is what I live for. This sink I see every morning at 8:30, in Mr. Roberts room. It's always filled with paint trays and brushes just calling my name...Just begging me to paint something, anything!

And I want to. I just want to spend the rest of my life in this room. Just give me a life long supply of bananas, protein bars, and water and this room and I will be one happy camper. Oh, and a hula-hoop would be nice too.

Snow!

Snow can make a lot of problems, but a lot of beautiful images throughout the day. I have always loved stop lights and walking poles, and just adding the snow made a nice picture.

Cannot wait for next winter:)

Light.

The power of light and shadow amazes me some times. I put some aluminum foil in a green beer bottle and took several pictures to see how easily I can manipulate the light that bounced off. I didn't need a fancy high dollar camera, just the knowledge that there will be different effects.

It's Your Nightmare

Dream Home- charcoal

Him

There was a point where I just wanted to have a break from my brother. I would just ask him to go into another room for a little bit. He would always ask to play-to do something with me. And I would say not right now.


Now that I have had to move and hardly ever see you, everyday I vision you asking me to play or watch a movie and I silently nod. Or I ask if you want to get a piggy back ride. But you don't answer because I'm not with you anymore.

I never imagined you growing up so quickly. You're still a scrawny little thing, so fragile I just want to hug you and protect you form the stupidest things. I never knew how much I love you, how much I want to spend every last second with you.



Ty William Kimbler I love you, and apologize for every second I wasted when I could've been with you.

Forgiveness..

Forgiveness is a word almost everyone in the world knows, but so few people really have to learn how to forgive. This is my true test Mother, the tests before with Chris and friends and for petty little things too just led me to here.
I don't know if I can do it; how could you even try to?
What are the first steps you are supposed to take when you think you want to forgive someone?
Someone who you are supposed to just forgive automatically?
Trust and Love...those two words mean little to me right now. How can I?
It was hard enough a year ago, but now that I am some what recovered I still feel like I am that lost little dead girl stuck sitting but standing and wondering at the same time.
I don't know what to do,
Do I move on, like I did with so many other things? Do I just say "Oh, she just made a very big mistake, she learned her lesson," truth is-I don't think you should have been let out so early. They don't know you like I know you.
Nobody does.
I'm your daughter,
but sometimes I question if you are a true mother.

the cover. MWUUAH.

This is the cover to my portfolio, which is supposed to be a moon with stars showing only its outline to be all mysterious like ;)

ALSO: As soon as I am able to, pictures of my regular art will be posted periodically to show my drawings and painting on my bedroom walls and what not.

enjoy my darlings.

Creating this...

Is making me think.

Let me start over: I am making a portfolio for Digital Arts Class.

This makes me think: Do I truly have a future as a true, successful, happy artist?

Do I have a chance in Hell of being able to paint and draw, something that has developed into not my 2nd language, but my 1st lately.

Maybe I shouldn't think of this now. Maybe I should just focus on doing what I love well, and when I do live my dream, keep loving it. Never become the people I dread. People that I don't want to be,- people who don't love what they do more than half of their time.

UGH.

I just...

I dumped him because he was too nice. One of my friends cleverly asked me," So does that mean you want an a**hole?"

My response was: "I have to pee." AKA: I have no clue what I want.

I do know one thing: I want to be an artist. I also want an Ipod that does not fill up before I am 17, full of music.

I also know that I did in fact really like him.

One other thing I know, I am tired of being really odd and being creeped out when guys I go out with are nice to me. I mean how weird is that?

My parents liked this guy. My parents FRIENDS liked this guy.

So what did I do?

Decided there has to be something dreadfully wrong with him, and over analyze every mistake I made while with him- things I should've done to try and be the best girl for him, things I shouldn't have said and did say, not make a face when I allowed myself to walk into the doors he opened for me.

So...maybe this is a sign that I need to just chill and not think so much.

I think my parents think I have wore-ish tendencies because it does appear I have too many boyfriends. But I like being around guys, I have fun with them. I get to burp and fart and not have girls say gross, but have the guys rate how good it was.

I just have fun with the opposite sex. Not bad types of fun, the laughing genuinely happy type of fun.

Oh well.

Not the end of the world, but it's a good thing I typed this and got it off my chest:}

representations..

This is a quickly but carefully done replica of a corner of my bedroom, which I painted a random puzzle piece with partially showing hearts in it.

The hearts now have a black X on each of them, done very spontaneously while I messed up another painting I was doing.

The quote, (which I found in an interview in a magazine,) is: "I don't know what world you live in, because in mine I never really encounter monsters of that size."

I don't have a really deep reason why I chose that quote, it just made me smile. I recite it in my head every time I think of puzzles or scary monsters. Sometimes randomly.